Thankfulness

Robbie and I recently have had amazing things be put before us. 2008 and 2009 were tough years for us in many ways, but God has helped us through with His steadfast and amazing love. It is incredible to look back over the past 20 months or so and finally start to realize why God allowed things to happen the way they did. Even though we are still in the midst of our storm with infertility, I have come to have gratitude toward God and be thankful for our many trials. Our God is a gracious God and while it has taken me time to see that, I am very blessed and glad that He has made me realize this in the way He has.

At one point in 2009, I honestly told God that if He was trying to teach me a lesson through my infertility, He had completely missed His chance. I had been open to His lesson for several months and still not baby, so I told Him I was done with being okay with Him trying to teach me something. I didn't want to have anything to do with his lesson! Since then, God has taken my bitter heart and softened it. He has shown me that His plan is the best plan... the ONLY plan that is right for me. I have accepted this and I am learning to move forward with peace and patience.

We are God's masterpiece, made to reflect the artist's heart. Realizing this statement hit me with a ton of bricks. This life really is not about me. It has nothing to do with me except for my life to reflect Christ. When I started realizing that this is all about God's plan for my life (which is the PERFECT plan), my ideas for my life and our family's are quickly falling away. I pray that I can really start to reflect Him and His love and be more content.

I have so much to be thankful for. A husband who loves the Lord, loves me intensely, and works so hard to provide for us. A little boy who is the light of my life and who brings me joy every day. A close-knit family. A house with more than we ever need. Clothes in my closet. Food in my pantry. A wonderful Church home. A Lord who is in control and loves me more than I could ever imagine. Friends who really know me and love me anyway. The list could go on and on and on. It makes me want to just curl up in a ball and cry to think that I was dwelling on what I didn't have when all of this was around me the whole time. Accepting just being a family of 3 has been really hard, but it is getting easier every day. Strength from the Lord is my medicine! =)

2010 is going to be a good year for so many reasons.