Ultrasound #4

Today I am 9 weeks 5 days and my precious baby is measuring right at 10 weeks! We had our last ultrasound and visit with Dr. Ke today... it was exciting, but sad at the same time... Bittersweet! We saw the baby moving around and the arms, legs, and even an ear! It is incredible! The heart rate was 173! Strong and healthy! I am still taking my progesterone and estrogen supplements til week 11. My appointment with Dr. Ke went really well. He said that in their meetings the doctors and embryologists have been studying my case. An unusual one! Dr. Ke does not believe that my PCOS is what is causing my infertility, but rather that I have a egg quality/quantity problem. He asked Robbie and I today if we were wanting another one after this baby or if our family was complete. We said complete, but asked why he was asking! He said that if we were not done he would suggest immediately after this baby was born to start the IVF process again. He said with my age I didn't respond well to IVF at all and I definitely did not respond like a typical PCOS patient, but he was thankful and pleased that it ended up being successful. He said we made a great decision to forego with IVF this time right when we did. He said if we would have waited another 3-4 years and if I would have come to him around the age of 28 that IVF would more than likely not have even worked to get me pregnant. We are so thankful and God has blessed us immensely! Please continue to keep Robbie, Ryder, and myself in your prayers as well as this little bean growing inside my belly!

9 Weeks!

I am 9 weeks pregnant today! The past nine weeks have been incredible and such a blessing from God. Robbie and I could not be happier! We are hoping to tell people around week 10! I had my first appointment with my regular OB today! It went great. I had an ultrasound first and the baby was measuring right at 9 weeks. I heard the heartbeat and it was 176. Everything is going great so far! I pray it continues to go so smoothly! I have loved being pregnant this time just as much as when I was pregnant with Ryder. No morning sickness, just the usual fatigue! It has been great! My due date is June 8, 2011, but I will deliver a week early at 39 weeks due to a scheduled C-section. I could end up having this baby early just like Ryder. I had him at 36 weeks due to preeclampsia (high blood pressure) and my risk of getting that again is even higher since I have had it before during a previous pregnancy. But if all goes well, we will have this baby on or before June 1! YAY! Thank you to each and everyone one of you for your continued prayers. They are very much appreciated. The picture above is from my appointment today. Sorry it is sideways!

8 Weeks!

I am 8 weeks pregnant today and had my second ultrasound and appointment with Dr. Ke. It went really well! The baby is measuring right on track at 8 weeks and we saw the heartbeat which was 168. We also saw the cord, yolk sac, and the brain. I got to stop the shots today too! I still continue the suppositories and patches though. I have felt great! Not sick, just tired! I love being pregnant! I go to my regular OB for an ultrasound and visit next Wednesday Nov. 3 and I go to Dr. Ke for one last visit and ultrasound on Monday Nov. 8. We are so excited and getting really anxious to tell people! We are trying to wait til week 10 to 12...

1st Ultrasound and Doctor Visit

My first ultrasound and doctor visit with Dr. Ke went great! Robbie and I saw our precious baby (Yes... just one!) who was measuring great! (6 weeks 3 days... but I was really 6 weeks 5 days yesterday). We saw the heartbeat and it was 130. The pictures are blurry because the baby is sitting far back so we couldn't get a really good view, but we did see the yolk sac, fetal pole, and precious little beating heartbeat! I can't believe I will be 7 weeks tomorrow! We are still not telling people. Trying to wait til Thanksgiving! I go back next Wednesday, Oct 27 for another ultrasound and visit! I can't wait to see how much my little baby bean has grown! I have not gotten sick or anything! I feel perfect!~ I don't feel pregnant at all, which scares me a little! But I am very thankful. The only thing is I have been more tired, but I really don't think I am near as tired as I was with Ryder. The alcohol swab smell for my shot every night makes me a little queasy, but only lasts for a minute or so! I am so excited and feel so incredibly blessed! We cannot wait to share our exciting news with everyone! I will see Dr. Ke 2 more times or so and then around 12 weeks I should be released to my regular OB, Dr. Cole! Tonight I start my shots every other night, but I am still on my routine of estrogen patches and suppositories everyday! I can't believe tonight will be the first night in weeks I haven't had a shot! Thank you all for your continued prayers!

Beta #3

After I got my results Friday with my HCG only raising 66% I was still apprehensive, so I called back and requested I go in for another bloodwork before I went for my ultrasound in 2 weeks. So I went today and it is raising 90% now! My HCG was 649! God is SO good! ALL the time! I feel much better and I am so excited!!! I go on October 18th to see Dr. Ke and get my first ultrasound! This is really starting to feel real! I haven't been sick or anything. Just a little more tired than usual, but that is exactly how I was with Ryder. Please continue to keep us in your prayers!

Beta #2

Well, my levels went up from 109.22 to 181.35. It was over a 60% rise. I am just nervous. It still seems really low. I go in for my ultrasound October 18th at 9:15 and I see my doctor after that. I guess we will see. Please keep praying!

1st Beta!!!

It is 109.22, so looks like I am PREGNANT! I can't believe it... it has been so long since we have received such great news! Robbie is THRILLED! He cannot quit talking about it! I am still a little apprehensive, mainly because we have been trying so long and to have it fail month after month it just seems too good to be true! But I am very excited! God has blessed our family so much and I cannot thank Him enough! It is amazing how perfect God's plan and Will is and everything has unfolded perfectly thus far. It is so hard to imagine that I have a precious baby growing inside me again! I feel incredibly blessed and I cannot wait to see the rest of our journey unfold. God is GOOD ALL the time! Continue to keep us in your prayers as we await our next beta test Friday. The nurse is looking for numbers that have increased by 60% which would at least be 230. I started progesterone suppositories today. I do them 2x a day along with my estrogen patches and progesterone shots.

The past two weeks have definitely taken a toll on me emotionally. These 2 weeks have been the hardest throughout this entire process. But today I got the BEST news! I am still on pins and needles hoping and praying for this little person to grow and develop properly. I can't wait til Friday!

Pictures and Update

Beautiful roses Ryder and my mom got me!
The front of the card with the picture of our babies they transferred!

The inside of the card

Our babies!!! Taken September 18, 2010. Our name! (Sills) Day 3 Transfer with assisted hatching. 8 cell grade 2 and 8 cell grade 3.

The dish they grew in before I took over!

Well, my levels were great yesterday. Estrogen was 1429 (They like to see over 250) and my progesterone was 55 (They like to see over 25). So I am to continue to the same dose of the estrogen patches and progesterone shots (which are making my booty very sore by the way... but TOTALLY worth it!). Lucy, the embryologist, called me around 6pm last night with the outcome of our other 3 embryos they were watching. 2 did not make it into the weekend. The other one did make it to a blastocyst stage, but the number of cells were only for the placenta to grow and not the cells for the actual baby to grow, so they were not able to freeze any. God is in complete control. Lord Willing the precious babies they transferred will have survived! They are supposed to be implanting today... we will see on Sept. 29!!! 8 more days!

Transfer

Saturday morning I went in for the transfer. I got there at 8:30 and the procedure actually took place around 9:45. It took about 15 minutes and we were home by 11:15ish. When we got there I had to sign some papers and then Dr. Ke took us back to the IVF transfer room (which was the same room as the retrieval). We got a picture of our "embabies" and got to view them under the microscope. That was the most incredible experience! He transferred 2 - 8celled embryos. Grade 2 (above average) and grade 3 (average). We also got to keep the dish they had been growing in before I took over! After the procedure I laid flat on my back for 30 minutes and then I was able to go home. I have just been at home the past few days laying down on bedrest and taking it easy. I am getting pretty restless and bored though, but Lord Willing it will be all worth it! I went this morning for bloodwork to test my estrogen and progesterone to see if they need to make adjustments to my patches or shot dose. I will hear from them this afternoon. Also, as of Friday they were still watching 3 of our other embryos to see if they make it to the blastocyte stage so they can be frozen. We will find out today or tomorrow about those precious babies! I am just so excited! The next 9 days are going to go by soooo slow until the pregnancy test! Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Thanks so much!

Transfer

Transfer is set for tomorrow morningat 9:30, but I have to be there an hour early. I have 2 - 4cell embryos that are grade 2 (above average) and 2 - 4cell embryos that are grade 3 (average). Please be praying! We were really hoping for a 5 day transfer because when they reach the blastocyte stage the success rates are greater, but God is in control!

Progesterone Shots

I have been working myself up about these for a while now! Especially today I have been really anxious. But they were not that bad at all! I think my husband was pretty nervous, but it was not bad! He massaged the spot and I put heat on it for a few minutes. I guess I will see tomorrow if I am sore! Thanks everyone for your continued prayers! Can't wait to share more news tomorrow about our embryos!

Egg Update

Lucy, the embryologist, called to tell me about my precious eggs! Out of the 12 that were retrieved only 8 were actually mature. The egg has to be mature in order to fertilize. Out of the 8 that were mature, 7 fertilized! She said she would call me tomorrow to update me on the eggs to tell me which ones made it to the pre-embryo stage (meaning starting to divide in cell number). I am praying I have 1 to 2 that make it to the blastocyte stage (8 cells) and I can do a 5-day transfer. I am so glad God is in control of this entire situation and not me! Lucy did say that they did to ICSI to fertilize my eggs. ICSI is where they actually inject my egg with the sperm instead of just allowing them to fertilize on its own. Please continue to pray!!!!

Egg Retrieval!

I went in this morning at 8:30 to East Memphis Surgery Center for my egg retrieval. When I arrived I signed a lot of paper work and paid our last payment. They called me back and asked me a lot of preliminary questions, had me change into the hospital gown, and got me started on my IV. Dr. Ke came and talked to me about the procedure (I was so glad my doctor was the one to retrieve the eggs!), the anesthesiologist came and talked to me, and then I was transferred to the IVF procedure room. They had me lay down on the table which my thighs in stirrups. I was very comfortable. It was cold, but they gave me the awesome warm blankets! After that I don't remember once they started my "knock out" medicine through my IV! The procedure started around 9:40 and I woke up in recovery around 10:35. I stayed there for 30 minutes never really fully waking up! Dr. Ke came and talked to me and he was able to retrieve 12 eggs! 11 from my right and 1 from my left. He was pleased and they will call me tomorrow to tell me how many fertilized. They will also let me know tomorrow if they did ICSI depending on what Robbie's sample looked like. ICSI is where they actually inject the egg with the sperm forcing them to fertilize. I also got to drink a Dr. Pepper while in recovery! My favorite! They had me get dressed and wheeled me out to the car where Robbie had my discharge instructions of all the medicine I have to take for the next 2 weeks. My wonderful mom drove me home and has been watching Ryder all day until Robbie gets off work! I am so thankful! I ate some lunch and then took a 3 hour nap! It was fabulous! I have not taken anything for pain, but I am pretty uncomfortable. My right side especially since that side had a lot more poking! During the retrieval they stick a needle through your cervix, through your ovary, and finally through each individual follicle to retrieve the egg. They use an ultrasound to guide their way. I have had a c-section before and that is the closest feeling I can use to describle what I am feeling. Very uncomfortable. I never took pain meds with my c-section and I have not with this egg retrieval, but it is uncomfortable to laugh. They told me everything down there will be contracting (just like the uterus after a birth) and since my ovaries are enlarged and tender from the stim meds and since they were poked all over it feels like I have been cut, which is hurting from everything contracting. Hopefully I will be back to my normal self tomorrow! Can't wait to find out all about my babies tomorrow! I have gotten a lot of e-mails, texts, and calls the past 24 hours and they are greatly appreciated. I can feel God's hand in this whole journey and I know it is because of the power of prayer from everyone. We would still appreciate your prayers because the next few days and week we are still continuing our journey. I ask you to pray for my sweet babies and Lord Willing we will be able to make it to a 5 day transfer with one or two embryos! I will keep you all updated. I will leave you all with a verse from Psalms, "The Lord has done great things for us and our hearts are filled with JOY!" This has been one of my favorite verses throughout this entire experience! I can't wait to Lord Willing share some really great news with you all over the next few days and weeks! Thank you so much again for your thoughts and prayers!

In 13 hours

In 13 hours I will be at the hospital waiting for my egg retrieval. I am so excited and feel so much peace about everything! But I am very nervous! Please keep us in your prayers tomorrow as well as the upcoming weeks. Thank you so much.

Ultrasound #4

I am done with Gonal-F and Lupron! My eggs are mature and my right ovary especially is looking great! The follicles are measuring between 17 and 20mm. My lining is at 9.7. My E2 level was 1513. I take the Ovidrel shot tonight at 10:30 for my egg retrieval which is scheduled for Wednesday!!! Yay! I am so excited and cannot believe how fast this has gone so far! I cannot give God enough praise for allowing this IVF cycle to be going as good as can be this far! I have to be at the surgery center Wednesday morning at 8:30 with my husband. Today I start estrogen patches and I will continue this until I am around 10 weeks pregnant. I will wear 2 patches at one time and change them out every 72 hours. I have to do the patches because my E2 level is lower than 2000. Please continue to pray for us! Especially over the next several weeks. I will have either a 3 or 5 day embryo transfer. I am hoping I can make it to 5 days so my embryos will be at the blastocyte stage. So embryo transfer will be either Saturday or Monday! I am so excited that Wednesday is the day my doctor gets to do the egg retrieval! His clinic dates are Wednesday and Thursday's and I am so thankful I get to have him do it! Thank you all for your love, support, and prayers! I will keep you updated!

Ultrasound #3

I went in this morning for my ultrasound. My lining was at 10. I have 3 to 4 follicles on the left ovary and 10 to 12 on the right ovary that will more than likely be retrieved. So about 15 total. 20 at the most. They are pretty good size. Measuring between 13 and 19mm. Most are 16 or 17mm, so the nurse said I have an 80% chance of more than likely having my egg retrieval Wednesday. My E2 level jumped way up to 1008! I am a little discouraged that my follicle numbers dropped from 40 to 15ish.. but I have to remember that it only takes 1! I am continuing my Lupron at 5units and my Gonal-F at 225units tonight and I go back tomorrow at 8am for bloodwork and ultrasound! Lord Willing tonight will be my last night of stim drugs ever! Please continue to pray for us!

Constantly Working

Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.
Romans 8:34

Sometimes I feel like falling apart. Nothing is better than falling into the arms of God. I have learned through infertility that God's arms are strong enough to hold me and they will catch me everything single time. When my strength is gone, His strength becomes perfect in my weakness. I know God can do everything, but sometimes I am so afraid He won't. Whenever I need proof that God is working in my life, all I need to do is simply turn my hand palm up and look at the inside of my wrist.

On the insides of my wrists you can see my blood vessels as clearly as though I had no skin. Nurses love me! They never have to search long for a place to stick me! To me, these bluish tubes buried just below the surface appear stagnant. No movement. No action. To my eyes, they appear as nothing more than streaks of color on my arms. I don’t feel anything. No throbbing. No pressure. They have no sound. If I didn’t see them, I wouldn’t know they are even there.

But what is the reality? Life-giving blood is coursing through those veins! Every moment of my life from just weeks after my conception to even this very second, blood is and has been moving, flowing, providing life-giving nourishment to every cell that joins together to create me and it has never stopped! With every single beat of my heart, blood finds its way through the intricate highway of vessels and arteries and completes the job it was meant to do. I don’t feel it. I don’t have to. Just because I don’t see the blood moving or feel it surging on its journey through my body, doesn’t mean that it’s not carrying out its job to perfection! Even if I absolutely did not believe for a second that the blood was there, my heart would still pump, my cells would still receive nourishment and my body would continue to function. The mere fact that I am alive is proof that blood is flowing. Life is in the blood!

Romans 8:34 tells us that Christ, seated at the right hand of God, is interceding on our behalf. That Christ is seated at the right hand of God is significant, as being seated at the right hand of God designates a position of power. That means that right now, this instant, Christ, is busy working in power for my good. Just as I am blissfully unaware of the blood in my body flowing, working, moving through my veins, God through Christ is flowing, working and moving through the story of my life!

I may not see Him. I may not hear Him. I don’t have to! That doesn’t squash His ability! He’s been working on my life since long before my birth, and He’s working for me even now. As I am typing these words, He’s working. As tears stream down my face, He’s working. As my hopes rise and fall, He’s working. As I sleep at night or as I toss and turn, He’s working. As I find those few precious moments when I forget I have a problem, He’s working. He never stops working on my behalf. And He never will.

His Good and Perfect Will

Over the past several weeks during my quiet time I have found myself really studying and praying for God's Will. It is amazing to me what God uses through His word to touch my life and give me peace, hope, and strength. I have studied things lately that I have read before but going through this particular journey in my life right now His word has really touched me differently. I tend to focus my prayer life and quiet time on things that I am dealing with at that particular moment... so that I might gain wisdom and understanding... God has given me comfort throughout this entire process. Sometimes I cannot fathom His love and His mercy but it sure is comforting! Here are two verses that have really encouraged me lately and will continue to give me peace whatever the outcome may be of IVF.

1 Thess. 5:16-18: "Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's Will for you who belongs to Christ Jesus."

1 John 5:14-15: "And we can be confident that he will listen to us whenever we ask him for anything in line with his will. And if we know he is listening when we make our requests, we can be sure that he will give us what we ask for."

Ultrasound #2

I went this morning for my second ultrasound. My follicles are growing like they should on both ovaries! The majority are between 12 and 16mm. Some are still at 10mm, but that is completely normal. I am so excited! My lining was 12, which she said was perfect! She said that if she were to guess my egg retrieval will more than likely be Tuesday or Wednesday or next week! It is getting close!

My E2 level was at 379, so it doubled which is great, but they want it at 2000 at least by egg retrieval. If it is not there by Tuesday or Wednesday when I retrieve then I will have to start wearing estrogen patches. She said I would wear these while pregnant too.

I go back in Sunday morning around 8 to get another ultrasound and more bloodwork! I will post an update sometime that afternoon when I get back from church.

Pictures of Follicles

Some people have asked what I actually see when I go in for the ultrasounds. Here is an example.

This is a picture of an ovary with 2 follicles. Normally people only have 1 to 2 follicles on their ovaries. Only one (maybe 2) matures and is released each month. With my Femara cycles last year I was only getting one mature follicle so my ultrasounds looked mostly like the picture above. Now I have PCOS, so when I go in for a baseline ultrasound before I ovulate in a given month I will have tons of tiny dots that are about a fourth of the size of the follicle in the above picture. Each follicle has a chance to mature and release. With PCOS I produce tons of follicles (which are really eggs!) but they never mature so I never ovulate so I never get pregnant on my own. This cycle I have 20 eggs on each ovary. So 40 total.

My eggs this cycle look a little like the picture above! LOL! On each ovary. Well, really this picture is 8 to 10 follicles... so just double the picture for one of my ovaries! I LOVE going for my ultrasounds. It is so amazing to see how fast they grow in such a short period of time!

Pictures of the Shots

This is my Lupron. It comes in a vial with disposable needles.
This is the Lupron with the alcohol pad and the bucket I have to dispose of all my needles in.

Before I insert the needle into the Lupron vial you have to clean it with an alcohol pad.

For my dose right now, 5 units, I pull the syringe back to the "5", push the needle in the Lupron vial, push the air into the vial, turn the vial upside down like shown and pull back the syringe til it is at "5" again. This time it will have the fluid in the needle. Kinda confusing to describe!

This is my Gonal-F. The whole pen is about 6 inches long, but the needle is tiny. First I have to insert a new needle on the pen everyday. Then I have to find my dose number on the end (225), pull the white tip back, and it should say 225 in small red print. That actually loads the pen to my dose. I take the cap off the needle and give myself a shot!

Day 7

Today was my seventh day of taking Gonal-F which is my stimulation drug along with the Lupron (which has been a decreased dose). So in the past 7 days I have had 15 shots! 2 a night plus one night I ran out of medicine in one pen so I had to give myself the rest of my dose from another pen. I am feeling great! My mom said I am really calm. With just the Lupron by itself I was really irritated and snippy, but since I had decreased that dose and started the Gonal-F I have felt much better. I almost feel like I am out of it in la la land sometimes! Ha ha!

My next post I am going to post example pictures of some of the things I have experienced!

Ultrasound #1

I went this morning for my first ultrasound measuring my follicles on each ovary and my lining. Everything went great! This what I know from the ultrasound:

My lining is 9.3
My right ovary has around 20 follicles growing anywhere from 8 to 12mm and I have two around 14.
My left ovary had around 20 follicles. They are a little smaller.. around 8mm each.

The ultrasound tech was really happy that they are growing at a consistant pace and that several are growing. They are keeping my dose at 225 tonight and tomorrow night and I go in at 8am Friday morning for ultrasound and bloodwork!

I am SO excited! I was getting a little discouraged from my low E2 level on Monday, but it seems that the medicine is working! It was so incredible and a really neat experience seeing the follicles all over the screen. I wonder which one will fertilize to be our precious blessing baby?!

3 Shots!

So tonight I had to give myself 3 shots! I knew it was pretty close to me running out of medicine in my first pen.. But I really was thinking it would hold off until tomorrow. So! I am on my 2nd pen out of 3 which means egg retrieval is getting closer! So I did 150 units in the first pen tonight and it ran out so I did 75 units of the second pen, plus my Lupron. For a grand total of 3 shots in one day so far! At least I got it over with. It was not bad at all tonight! I am getting more used to the sting and finding out the best place to insert the needle! Please continue to lift us up in prayer! God is GOOD ALL the time!

Gonal-F and First Bloodwork

I have currently taken 3 Gonal-F shots! The first one went okay, the second one was TERRIBLE! It stung SO bad... the needle... the medicine... everything about the second shot was terrible! I was tearing up and that is so not me at all! Every shot that I have given myself over the past year has been a piece of cake! So I was beginning to worry. But yesterday night the shot went great as always! The first two nights my dose was 225 and last night it was 150. With me being PCOS they have to be cautious about me hyperstimulating which would cancel the cycle. So that is why they lowered it the second day.

Well, this morning I went in for my bloodwork at 8am to test my E2 (estradiol) level. It was 70.... Pretty low considering I have done 3 days of stim drugs so far! So the next two nights they are increasing my dose back up to 225 and I go in Wednesday morning for more bloodwork and an ultrasound. I tend to progress slowly on meds... I did this last summer on the Follistim. The nurse did not seem worried or concerned at all. So hopefully we will get better news on Wednesday! Until then, God bless you all and have a great Labor Day holiday!!!

Tomorrow!

I start my Gonal-F tomorrow! It was bittersweet tonight.. the last night of just Lupron. Tomorrow I will decrease my Lupron dose to 5 units and take it with Gonal-F. So 2 shots a night from here on out until... EGG RETRIEVAL! I am absolutely amazed at how fast this has flown by! Lord Willing in 4 weeks we will know the outcome of this IVF journey! I am praying for God's will! I definitely want a precious blessing to come from this adventure, but God's plan is certainly the BEST and He know what is great for our family. If that means this IVF cycle is unsuccessful, then I will be completely fine with that. Ryder has been such a blessing and pure JOY to our family! I have been extremely blessed to have welcomed one precious child into our home! Please continue to lift us up in your prayers! We for sure need wisdom, patience, and preserverance! God is GREAT. We serve a mighty God who knows ALL and loves us very much! We know His hand is upon our doctors and He will guide them in the direction that is the best care or us. I am so excited this is getting so near the end... well, the end of the beginning! There is so much more ahead for our family that I cannot even fathom right now, but I do know for certain that God is magnificant and has been so gracious and blessed our family in numerous ways!

Baseline Ultrasound and Bloodwork

I went in this morning at 7:30am for a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. My ultrasound went perfectly! My lining was thin which they want it thin right now and I am showing around 20 follicles on each ovary so a lot of possibilities for eggs and precious embryos! My estrogen level was at 27! Which means the down-regulation IVF cycle has gone great! They wanted my estrogen level to be below 60.

Friday, September 3, Robbie and I both start Doxycycline 2x a day for 7 days. This is for the ICSI IVF procedure. Also on Friday I start my Gonal-F! Yay for stimulating my ovaries! On Friday and Saturday I do 225 units and Sunday I do 150 units. On Friday I also decrease my Lupron to 5 units. Monday (Labor Day!) I go in for bloodwork only at 8am with instructions to follow for the next few days after that! I am sooooooo excited and feel incredibly blessed! Robbie and I are thrilled to be starting the retrieval cycle of IVF Friday!!!!

Hormones...

So starting yesterday I think these hormone shots have definitely kicked in! Poor Robbie, and Ryder too... I really try hard to not take my emotions out on Ryder, but poor Rob! I feel like he has gotten his head bitten off several times! It is crazy because I know I am acting mean sometimes, but it seriously is either uncontrollable or I simply just don't seem to care?! Not sure.. maybe a combination of both?!
Tonight was day 7 of Lupron shots.. and I am noticing some bruising now. Doesn't bother me at all though! I will be more than happy to have a bruised stomach for a precious miracle baby!
So, some people think I am crazy, but I absolutely LOVE being pregnant. I had a relatively easy pregnancy. I was not sick or anything like that. Blood pressure problems were definitely not what I would call "fun" but it was tolerable and I never complained!
Having gone through the hormones with pregnancy and starting IVF, I have to say.. IVF is making me much more hormonal! I don't mind it at all though. I think it is harder on my body because it is not a natural thing. Pregnancy, to me, is completely natural and your body just adjusts with the hormones naturally. These injections are "fake" hormones in a sense causing my body to do things in an "unnatural" way. To me, making this process harder on my body and my emotions can pregnancy ever was. I LOVE every minute of it though and feel so blessed! No complaining coming from me! =)

Trial Transfer, Lupron, Birth Control...

There is alot I want to discuss in this post! Mainly for me to look back and read. I want to remember everything I possibly can about this unique and incredible experience!


I went in yesterday morning at 11am for my Trial Transfer! It went really well. Dr. Ke said I seemed very nervous... And I am! Especially since just minutes before we had paid a whole lot of money! I am also extremely excited! This is the most amazing thing to get to experience! While infertility is definitely not something I would ever want anyone to have to face, I am so blessed to be able to go through with this IVF procedure. I cannot wait to see God's plan for our life unfold! Tonight is my last night of birth control pills. It has been 3 weeks since we started our down regulation cycle and in just 3 more weeks we will be doing the egg retrieval and embryo transfer! It is really going by fast and I cannot believe it! Well, for those of you who do not know about a trial transfer.. let me explain! The trial transfer is a "practice run" for the embryo transfer. An empty transfer catheter is passed into the uterus just as it is when my embryos are ready to be returned to me. It allows the doctor to prepare for my transfer in order to increase chances of a successful outcome. In my case, everything went smoothly and there was not any unique instructions. Everything has just fallen into place! I can truely see God's hand in this and it makes me feel very much at peace!

The Lupron injections are going very well! So far no major side effects. Just a few headaches, but I am thinking that is mainly from the birth control pills. I have felt completely great! For those of you who do not really know what Lupron is or what it does to my body... It down-regulates ("shuts down" or "suppresses") the hypothalamic-pituitary control centers of the brain to prevent premature ovulation (release of oocytes). I give myself these injections in my stomach every night until the egg retrival. Right now they are taken alone, but around September 2nd, I will be adding another shot in my stomach along with Lupron. This shot will be my stimulation drug called Gonal-F. Next Tuesday morning (August 31) I go in at 7:30am for an ultrasound and blood work. This will be my initial blood work and ultrasound since I started the cycle 3 weeks ago.

Please continue to lift Robbie, Ryder, and myself up in prayer. We greatly appreciate all the prayers! God is SO great! Robbie and I had been richly blessed so far throughout this experience! Lord Willing in about 6 weeks we will know if we have a precious miracle on the way!

Lupron!

Well, I started my Lupron shot tonight! It was not bad at all. I am doing 10units right now every night! I am sure eventually my stomach will be sore, but the shot is very similar to the Follistim shots I took last year! I am so glad to finally have one shot down! This is flying by!

Injection Teaching

Robbie and I had our injection teaching yesterday! We also went over our whole IVF protocol. I did not have to give myself a shot during the teaching session yesterday because I have already done shots on myself before. Robbie did give me a shot in my booty though! It was not that bad at all. I just hope I can remember which needles go with which medication and what dose of each medication I am supposed to take... ALOT of things to remember! I start the Lupron shots Sunday night! Lord willing in about 5 weeks we will know if we are expecting a precious miracle! Please continue to pray for us and our journey! Keep checking back for more updates.

My medicine!

My medicine arrived FedEX this morning from Freedom Fertility Pharmacy! Robbie and I have injection teaching Thursday, which I am scared to death about. But it will be okay. I start Lupron injections Sunday! And in about 2 weeks I will start the gonadotrophin injections followed by Progesterone in ethyl oleate! I am getting nervous, but so peaceful about this and excited all at the same time! For my own personal record.. This batch of medicine costs us $168.78. Not bad... considering I got the Gonal-F and Ovidrel for free! We got accepted for a Compassionate Care program through our IVF clinic that allowed us to get one round of IVF gonadotrophin medication for no cost! That is amazing! 300IU of Gonal-F runs around 400... And I Have 2700IU... so you are talking thousands that we save! God is so GREAT and we are amazed at how His presence has definitely been in this entire process the whole way through. I cannot wait to see what the rest of our journey entails and what the Lord has in store for our family! We are so gracious and blessed to be able to be going through with this process!

Let's Get Started!

So today I started my cycle (2 days later than I originally thought I would start, but it does not really mess with my scheduling really at all).

Here is my timeline of scheduled events to take place over the next month or so!

Monday, August 2 ~ Started my cycle
Wednesday, August 4 ~ Start Birth Control Pills (for 21 days)
Thursday, August 19 ~ Injection Teaching and Consent forms due. Also, payment is due. 3pm
Sunday, August 22 ~ Start Lupron
Monday, August 23 ~ Trial Transfer at 11am
Tuesday, August 24 ~ Take last Birth Control Pill
Wednesday, August 25 ~ Pap Smear
Tuesday, August 31 ~ Blood work and Baseline ultrasound at 7:30am
Friday or Saturday, September 3 or 4 ~ Start ovulation injection meds
Week of September 13 ~ Egg retrieval

PLEASE continue to pray for us as we are now officially starting the process! We are so excited and cannot wait to see our journey unfold before us in the next few months!

Provera

So tonight I took my 3rd pill of Provera. It is a 10 day medication, so Lord Willing next Wednesday I should take my last one, start my cycle a few days later (Probably Saturday the 31st) and get this show on the road! Please keep us in your prayers over the next 8 to 12 weeks. God has worked amazing wonders so far throughout this journey and everything just seems to be falling into place!

Tips

UPDATE: In 5 days I will start Provera! This medicine is used to induce my cycle. I should start my cycle around July 30/31st.. which will begin my downregulation IVF cycle!

I am the type of person who researches everything! I think I have probably read just about every forum for fertility or IVF that there is out there. Not to mention I come across various blogs regularly of couples who are in the same boat as me and Robbie. So, lately I have been reading suggestions or hints on different areas in the IVF cycle. The egg retrieval and embryo transfer mainly. These are some tips I have found from doctors and other women who have done IVF:

~Drink a glass of milk every day.
~Drink a glass of pineapple juice or eat a cup of fresh pineapple every day starting with egg retrieval. (I have read this several places and believe me... the week of my egg retrieval don't be coming to Oakland Walmart or Kroger to find pineapple! There won't be any due to it being at my house!LOL)
~Eat a handful of almonds everyday starting with egg retrieval day.
~No chocolate, soft drinks, junk food, caffeine.
~No swimming, baths, sexual intercourse, bouncing activities (aerobics), sunbathing, hot tubs, exercising, housework (especially vacuuming), and heaving lifting.

One thing I really hope to do is be able to be awake for the egg retrieval and watch it on the screen. I also want to keep the petri dish my babies grow in if Dr. Ke will let me have it!

We are just so ready to begin this process. I am looking forward to it and experiencing it. Please continue to keep us in your prayers!

Sonohysterogram

I had my sonohysterogram this morning (basically an ultrasound of my uterus) and God has truly answered my prayers for this test! NO POLYPS! Yay! I had several last year that had to be removed and I was please to know that they did not come back. So there is nothing interfering with the embryos implanting in the uterine wall! Next step... July 19, I start Provera to get my cycle started for IVF! Man this is getting closer and closer and I am so excited! Robbie and I feel so much peace! Thanks everyone for thinking of us and please continue to pray.

Past Few Weeks

So, I went in for my preliminary blood work on May 24th and everything was fine. On May 26 I started Provera to start my cycle. I started my cycle this past Monday, so on Day 3 which was Wednesday June 9 I had to go in for an ultrasound of my ovaries to look at follicles (eggs). This is to determine how many eggs I am producing in my ovaries each month to determine the dose of stimulation drugs (shots) to allow the majority of the eggs to mature. I had 25 to 27 follicles in each ovary! I was very excited, so hopefully this is a good sign of how things will turn out in a few months. The follicles look like little peas all in my ovaries! So incredible. It has been a neat experience so far. I am trying to take everything in and enjoy it as much as I can. So far it has gone by pretty fast. My next cycle... the end of July... will be IVF cycle! Robbie and I are getting so excited and cannot wait!

IVF in Detail

This is the website that you can go to that has all the information on what entails an IVF cycle...

http://www.fertilitymemphis.com/documents/info-ivf.pdf

Too much to type! =)

I have the dates!

I have the dates for everything.. as long as everything goes well, this will be the tentative schedule.

May 24 - Go to Dr. Ke for preliminary blood work.
May 26 - Start Provera
On first day of cycle, I am supposed to call and schedule an SHG (sonohysterogram) of my uterus. Hopefully no polyps will be found. If so, I will have to do the surgery again and this will delay everything...

July 20ish (around there) - Start Provera

This will be the IVF cycle! YAY!

I am set to have my egg retrival the week of Sept. 13th, so Lord Willing by October we will find out if I have a June-bug on the way!

This will be a very busy summer with lots of shots and appointments, but Lord Willing it will be totally worth it in the end! Please be praying for us as we are beginning our journey in just a few short weeks!

My amh level is 7.6, so my ovarian reserve is good! I will post soon about the IVF process for those of you that do not really know the steps and schedule.

So soon!

I still do not have the exact dates for the IVF egg retrieval yet, but we are still, Lord Willing, planning to start this process toward the end of the summer. I feel so much peace about our decision. I feel God is allowing us to move forward with our dream of adding another child to our family and I am very thankful for that. Robbie, Ryder, and I are extremely blessed and I am so grateful for the amazing family I have. I will update whenever I have more news... Sorry for the delay!

IVF

Alrighty! So Robbie and I have prayed and carefully made the decision after many months of contemplating to forego with IVF starting in July! I will know the exact dates of everything within the next month (They do not have their egg retrieval date calendar made out thru September yet). It is a several month process. Lord Willing, in July I will begin the process to start my cycle, followed by birth control pills in early August and the ovulation induction shots will begin in late August and carry thru until September. We most likely will have the egg retrieval toward the end of September with finding out if it was successful the middle of October. So hopefully and Lord Willing come June 1011 we will be welcoming a little one (or two!) into the family! Please keep us in your prayers are we begin this incredible yet scary journey of invitro fertilization. I will update when it gets closer to time to starting everything. We are very excited and feel very peaceful about our decision!

2nd Opinion.. or maybe should I say 3rd?!

Robbie and I decided back in August that we would take a much needed break from the fertility roller coaster we have been on. I am still not having cycles and ovulating and we are ready to get started again, but I just felt like I wanted to get a different opinion on everything. Dr. Ke has said IVF was my only option left... And that is just soooo much money! So, I went to see a different OBGYN that has dealt with patients with fertility issues. She said I was wayyy out of her ballgame! But I am glad I went today to talk to her... She said it sounds like I might not have a great set of eggs either... I have never been tested for that. They do that before IVF though so they know what they are dealing with. I got her to check my thyroid just in case... So it was not a total waste of time going! She suggested not getting my tubes blown out which is what I was thinking I would probably do next. She said if she were me that she would just do IVF. My case is perfect for it and that is basically my only option. In a sense I am glad she was telling me the same thing Dr. Ke has told me, so I wouldn't second guess myself if we decide to go that route that I was making the right choice... but it was just hard to hear for some reason. I definitely cried on the way home! I have not gotten that emotion about this journey in several months. But today I let my emotions get the best of me.

I vaguely discussed this with Robbie and my total desire that is taking hold of me again to do IVF. He said we would discuss it tonight further and in detail, but I think this might be our way to go. It is definitely the only way to go. I have a doctor's appt with Dr. Ke on Monday April 4, so hopefully we will have everything squared away to begin this soon. I have all the medicine just sitting in my refrigerator! I definitely want to get this show on the road. I am ready to close the book to this chapter in my life. I guess I will update later on when we figure out what we are going to do and the timeline and finances and everything... Please please please PRAY! Prayer is a powerful thing and we need it!

Update

I am still going to see the chiropractor! I am down to twice a week! I am on Cycle Day 52. I still have only had that one cycle since going to the chiropractor and my pregnancy tests are negative... Hopefully things with look brighter soon!

Hope

God is so great, powerful, and almighty. His word speaks boldly. I heard this scripture about a week ago and I am very thankful God showed it to me through a special unspoken circumstance.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Rachel and Leah

I have been really trying to dig into God's word lately and it is amazing how much God has taught me. I struggled with primary infertility while trying to get pregnant with Ryder. It was easy to find stories in the Bible that related to what I was going through then... Hannah, Sarah, Elizabeth. But struggling with secondary infertility I never really could find anything that really seemed to relate to me in the Bible. Now after 22 months of dealing with this, God has really spoken to me through His word. I reread the story of Rachel and Leah. A story that we all learned about growing up. But something really struck me in the heart as I was reading this passage the other night. Both suffered secondary infertility. It is found in Genesis 28 and 29. Take a chance to read it. You will be amazed and comforted. Rachel was barren, but Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a boy on 4 different occasions. After Leah's 4th son Judah was born she stopped having children. Leah saw that she had stopped having children. Her son brought her mandrakes. Leah went to Jacob and they slept together. God listened to Leah and she became pregnant with a fifth son and then a sixth son and then a seventh child, a daughter. Then God remembered Rachel, listened to her and opened her womb. She became pregnant.

The words that really spoke out to me was, "The Lord listened to her and opened her womb." Right then and there I really realized how important prayer was and how much the Lord does answer. God can take an infertile woman such as myself and allow me to become pregnant if it is His Will. The Lord placed this scripture in my life a few nights ago for a reason and I am very grateful.

Waiting

So much of the fight for your sanity in your quest for a baby is waiting. You wait for the next cycle to begin. You wait for the next round of IVF. You wait for the blood test. You wait to get past the point of your last miscarriage. Everybody despises that dreaded two week wait. It seems like all we do sometimes is just sit around and wait. Why is it that even God tells us to wait?

Look at the Scripture found in Isaiah 40:31:

“Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength;”

I love to look at the literal translation of words in Scripture. You can learn so much when you know what the writer had in mind when he took pen in hand. Look what I found about what the word wait really means:

“A straining of the mind in a certain direction with an expectant
attitude…a forward look with assurance.”

Waiting is not passive at all! It is active! If you feel weary of this fight, and need to gain new strength, this Scripture literally tells you what to do: wait. Don’t wait like you may have previously thought about waiting—you know, sitting around doing nothing. Wait like the Word of God tells you to. Strain your mind toward God with an expectant attitude, looking forward with assurance!

Let’s break down the definition we found of the literal meaning of this word "wait."




“A straining of the mind in a certain direction with an expectant
attitude…a forward look with assurance.”




A straining of the mind in a certain direction…It is so easy to keep your mind on negativity during the battle with infertility. It may not be easy to keep your thoughts going in the right direction, but it is possible. How can you strain toward God and knowing Him more if there are so many negative and hurtful thoughts bouncing around your mind? Here are two other Scriptures for you to lean on:

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

Don’t forget that when Paul wrote these words he understood hard times. He was actually in prison at the time he wrote this. It probably would have been easy for him to write about his beatings, rats crawling on him, his being wrongly imprisoned. Instead he tells us to think on these things instead of hardships. Several times in this book, he even commands us to “Rejoice!”

2 Corinthians 10:5 “We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”

You can take negative, damaging thoughts and place them under the obedience of Christ, Himself. This was written also by Paul, who told you what things to think on.

Use these Scriptures to strain your mind in this direction. We are given instruction in Philippians as to what type of thoughts to think, and told in 2 Corinthians that we can take negative thoughts and make them captive to Christ. Train your mind to strain toward Christ and the kind of thoughts He wants you to have in your heart and mind. It will probably feel totally foreign to you at first, to disallow negative thoughts, and replace them with whatever is good, lovely, right. It is exponentially easier to give in to negative thoughts. Fight it. Strain toward another direction. Strain toward God and knowing Him more.




…with an expectant attitude…When you have a problem like infertility or grief over the loss of your baby, your mindset can be depressed. Satan can begin to convince you that God has forgotten you and that you will live in heartache for the rest of your life. Your view of your future is dim. That makes the waiting portion of this season very heavy.

Rather than focusing on what God has not placed in your life at this time, decide to look forward to the plan He has lovingly designed for you. Determine in your heart to develop an expectant attitude! God is working through this season in your life! Expect that His plan for you is good! Expect to grow closer to God through this. Even if your heart cannot keep time with an expectant attitude, try to develop one anyway. Eventually your heart will catch up to your head!

Here are a couple of Scriptures to back this up:

Jeremiah 29:11 ‘“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”’

If the Lord has a plan for you, you can expect that He will bring it to pass!

Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

Guess what the word “hoped” literally means?!? That’s right! The literal translation for the word “hoped” is “expect”! Faith is the assurance of things we expect!

Are you praying for something? Of course you are! Do you believe God hears you? Do you believe He has a plan for your life? Then expect an answer!




…a forward look with assurance. Look forward! Don’t look behind at failed cycles, or beat yourself up because you aren’t handling things as well as you once did. The next pregnancy will be a brand new pregnancy—not the same pregnancy that ended in loss. Look forward with assurance!

Philippians 3:13 “Forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Don’t worry about the past. You cannot change it. Look forward to what lies ahead and press on!

You never knew there was so much work involved in waiting, did you? I’ll bet you thought you were a pro at waiting! God promises renewed strength, endurance and courage to keep on going when you wait.

I encourage you to wait on the Lord and find this new strength He promises. He is faithful to His Word and faithful to you.


*Taken from Sarah's Laughter Daily Double Portions

Thankfulness

Robbie and I recently have had amazing things be put before us. 2008 and 2009 were tough years for us in many ways, but God has helped us through with His steadfast and amazing love. It is incredible to look back over the past 20 months or so and finally start to realize why God allowed things to happen the way they did. Even though we are still in the midst of our storm with infertility, I have come to have gratitude toward God and be thankful for our many trials. Our God is a gracious God and while it has taken me time to see that, I am very blessed and glad that He has made me realize this in the way He has.

At one point in 2009, I honestly told God that if He was trying to teach me a lesson through my infertility, He had completely missed His chance. I had been open to His lesson for several months and still not baby, so I told Him I was done with being okay with Him trying to teach me something. I didn't want to have anything to do with his lesson! Since then, God has taken my bitter heart and softened it. He has shown me that His plan is the best plan... the ONLY plan that is right for me. I have accepted this and I am learning to move forward with peace and patience.

We are God's masterpiece, made to reflect the artist's heart. Realizing this statement hit me with a ton of bricks. This life really is not about me. It has nothing to do with me except for my life to reflect Christ. When I started realizing that this is all about God's plan for my life (which is the PERFECT plan), my ideas for my life and our family's are quickly falling away. I pray that I can really start to reflect Him and His love and be more content.

I have so much to be thankful for. A husband who loves the Lord, loves me intensely, and works so hard to provide for us. A little boy who is the light of my life and who brings me joy every day. A close-knit family. A house with more than we ever need. Clothes in my closet. Food in my pantry. A wonderful Church home. A Lord who is in control and loves me more than I could ever imagine. Friends who really know me and love me anyway. The list could go on and on and on. It makes me want to just curl up in a ball and cry to think that I was dwelling on what I didn't have when all of this was around me the whole time. Accepting just being a family of 3 has been really hard, but it is getting easier every day. Strength from the Lord is my medicine! =)

2010 is going to be a good year for so many reasons.

91 days later...

So, last night I was adding up when I had my last cycle. It had been 90 days (today makes it 91). 90 days?!?! I should have had 3 in the time I have only had one! That cycle was even induced by medicine... so not really technically my own cycle. Well, yesterday I was having a pretty rough day. We are care group leaders this year for our church and it just so happens that like every fertile couple with the most kids just happened to be put in our group.. even the ones that are wanting to get pregnant soon and ones that just had babies or about to have babies.. Great.. so I will be reminded that I am younger than all of them and still cannot have another baby on my own. Well, I have been going to the chiropractor for a little over a month. Today started week 5 of my adjustments and I STARTED MY CYCLE! Let me just say... this is my first cycle on my own in like...3 years?!? Since well before I got pregnant with Ryder! I AM SO THRILLED! Yay! We will see what happens from here!