Schedule and RX Info!

We are really starting IVF! Such an exciting time for our family and we are so excited about adding to our family! I started Provera on Saturday, September 13 and I started my cycle on Wednesday, September 24. Robbie's semen analysis was the best one he has ever had! And his blood work came out fine. Here is the schedule we have so far:
Saturday, September 27 through Friday, October 17 I will be taking Birth Control. This is to down-regulate my cycle.
On Monday, October 13 at 11am we go in for the trial transfer and injection teaching. We also have to turn in consent and freezing forms and our payment is due.
On Wednesday, October 22 I go in for my first ultrasound at 7:30am.
The week of November 3rd is the egg retrieval and transfer!

Here's my RX that I have received:
I am going to be on an antagonist protocol.
5 Ganarelix
10 Menopur
2 - 600 units of Follistim
2 doses of Gonal-f
1 HCG trigger shot
1 Lupron trigger injection
and Progesterone injection vials!
Along with Doxycycline, Prednisone, and Valium!

We are so thankful for Dr. Ke being so gracious in giving us samples for some of the medications and we also received two medicines from friends! For the rest of it, we applied for the First Steps program and are able to get 25% off!

We have already seen God's hand work and we are incredibly blessed with being given an opportunity to go through IVF again. We are very hopeful and praying that God blesses us with another miracle baby!

Third Child...

Robbie and I have been discussing over the past few months whether or not we will do IVF one more time to have a third baby. At first we were discussing a start date of mid to late September, but we might be pushing that back just a bit.

In the meantime, we are getting all of our preliminary testing done. I started my cycle via Provera on July 27. On July 29 I went in for a routine ultrasound of my uterus and ovaries. I have 20+ follicles on each ovary. And I also had blood taken. I went in on August 4 to have the SHG and everything looked perfect!

Robbie is going in in 2 days to get his semen analysis done. And then all we will have left is getting his blood drawn!
Please keep us in your prayers as this is a tough decision to make!

Our Miscarriage

Here is a timeline of what took place:

February 27 - Found out I was pregnant

March 15 - First doctor appt: Sac measured 5weeks 5 days. I got blood work done and received the results the next day (Friday, March 16). My progesterone was 4 and hcg was 11000+. Definitely pregnant, but according to my progesterone it doesn't look like it will be a viable pregnancy. Anything over 10 is good. 5-10 is questionable (50%/50%) and under 5 in not viable in 99% of pregnancies. EDD according to blood work would be Nov. 10, 2012. According to my blood hcg levels she feels as though I should be more around 6-8 weeks pregnant.

March 21 - A week later I had another doctor appt and the sac measured the same. 5 weeks 5 days. Bloodwork showed a progesterone of 3 and a hcg of 9,000+ so my levels were dropping which indicated a miscarriage was starting to happen. I set up a D&C for Tuesday, April 3.

March 23 - Started spotting.

March 26 - Severe pain and loosing a lot of blood but it was not clotty from 1-3pm, so I decided to go to the L&D ER. I miscarried on my own at the hospital. I passed a huge clot and got an ultrasound to confirm the miscarriage.

March 28 - Went for a followup visit at the doctors office. Had another ultrasound to confirm that everything had passed. My D&C was canceled. I bled for about two weeks total.

When I first found out I was pregnant I was scared, nervous... It took me a while to get excited. I am a planner, and this was definitely in the "not planned" category. I had a barely 9 month old BABY which I did IVF to even be able to have. So all the thoughts of "How did I even get pregnant?!" were spilling through my brain. We quickly got very excited about this pregnancy, but we didn't tell many. Just a hand full of very,very close friends. Being the planner that I am I started thinking of how I was going to put the boys in the same room and I had even started thinking about names!

Let me back track a little though... about 2-3 weeks before I found out I was pregnant Ryder kept saying he wanted a girl baby and that there was a baby in mommys belly. I never thought anything about it. We were going to be a 4 person family. Our family was complete. I was more content than ever. But Ryder just kept praying to God and insisting he wanted a sister! Well... he was right all along. We never told him I was pregnant. He went with me to my first doctor appointment and he even said the night before that there was no baby in mommy's belly. Little did we know he was right again.

When I went to my first doctor appointment and had the ultrasound my heart just sank. Looking at the screen and seeing the sac.. but no baby. I was devastated, but I had my two precious boys and husband sitting right there and I had to be strong. I was in shock. I had bonded with this baby. This child had its own special story in that it was the first one of our children actually conceived in our home. The one verse that kept swarming through my brain was " The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21

It took me a few weeks to actually start the miscarriage process. My doctor monitored me through blood work and ultrasounds several times before the tragic event actually took place. Those weeks were so hard. It was a very confusing time. I was pregnant. But not pregnant. I was carrying a child.. but it was not living. I was having all the symptoms that I normally have while in early pregnancy, yet I knew in the back of my mind I would never deliver this baby. I would not raise this precious being.

Going through this miscarriage was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. It was so hard to be given something so easily and it be taken away so quickly. It is hard to understand why. Why did I get pregnant if it was just going to disappear within 4 fast weeks? Why did this happen when I was so content on just having two? A friend who had gone through a miscarriage a few years earlier recommended that I read the book Heaven is Forreal. It was an amazing book and it made me understand and I do still have three children! One is just in Heaven. I cannot forget that. It is my goal to get to Heaven one day. I want to meet my son or daughter that I have.

It has been about 6 weeks since I miscarried and, while it is still hard and I still think about it often, it has gotten easier. I have started to see positive light in this situation. Even throughout all of our sadness, our baby brought us so much JOY.. knowing that we could get pregnant on our own. Our goal as parents is to show our children the Lord and help them reach Heaven through salvation. What a blessing it is to know that one is already there! God does not make mistakes. He is the One who gives life and ultimately takes life away. He has that privelege. Everyone has a purpose and I find strength knowing that our precious little one fulfilled its purpose and it was time for the Lord to take him/her. Knowing that s/he has seen God is an indescribable feeling. S/he saw God before s/he ever saw mommy, daddy and the big brothers!

With everything Robbie and I have gone through in our marriage, I am grateful that God does not give us the vision to see into the future because I think I would be very fearful and terrified of knowing certain things that might be coming around the corner. I might not be willing to walk there. There's always the possibility of difficult days ahead and I know this is not the end of our journey. I am so blessed to have an incredible husband to walk this life hand in hand with.

Here are some verses and sayings that are very comforting to me:

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13

Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength.

I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart. Ps. 40:8 NLT

Meet Mercer!

Mercer Dayne arrived at 10:56am on Saturday, May 28th. 7 pounds 3 ounces and 19.25 inches long! Sorry so long for the update! I have been busy adjusting to life with two precious kiddos and getting to know this little blessing more and more every day. Ryder just adores him and loves being a big brother! It is bittersweet knowing that every "first" Mercer has will be my "last" experience with a baby doing those things. We are already past newborn clothes, size newborn diapers, and waking up in the night for feedings. The first night he slept 12 hours straight at 8 weeks and 3 days was so great, but I couldn't help but think in the back of my mind I will never wake up with a newborn in the night again. Tears filled my eyes... but I have to look ahead and know that I will be creating memories with my boys every day in every stage of life they are in. That makes me joyful! Mercer is an excellent, content little guy. Robbie and I could not have been more blessed with two wonderful children. Today I am writing this post because I have been thinking back all week to this time last year... We had paid all this money to try IVF once and we were so incredibly hopeful. Putting our faith in God. Yet still so unsure of the outcome and how our life would be like. I have to say, I could have never imagined that our journey would have become what it is today! I am greatful for the blessing of infertility. It has taught me so much about myself and brought me closer to God and my family. This time last year I was going through intense fertility meds not knowing that the next year I would have a happy, healthy little baby boy that joined our family of three just a few months earlier! Infertility still weighs heavy on my heart and I use this as my testimony. I pray frequently for my friends and others that I don't even know that are struggling with this. I thank God everyday for my little blessings and I am so greatful that today I am able to introduce you to little Mercer! Hope you enjoy the pictures!

Life After Invitro Fertilization

Ya’ know, not many people talk about life after IVF. I wish I knew some things before the reality hit me. I’ve had IVF, now what? After my transfer date, and blood test, and thankfully and gratefully, a positive outcome, I was pregnant. Yippee! Life was just beginning. I still saw my RE for weeks following the IVF. Every time I stepped in to his office, I was reminded that life was delicate inside me. That anything could change at any point in time. That I was being monitored. Several weeks after finding out I was pregnant I was SO happy but so cautious. Hoping and praying this precious being inside me would thrive and grow properly. The actual IVF procedure I have to say was a piece of cake compared to the emotional side of things. The roller coaster ride was so emotionally draining. The 2 week waiting period to find out if it works, then waiting again to see your precious blessing via ultrasound, praying for a healthy heartbeat, and waiting for every appointment continuing to have faith that the baby is okay. At about ten weeks of pregnancy, I saw my RE for the last time. The pregnancy was going great so he released me to my regular OBGYN. It was hard saying goodbye to the doctor I had seen very often for months… even a few years! I was actually rather sad. For weeks and weeks I wanted to tell SO many people I was pregnant, but I was so afraid of loosing the baby. I had gone THIS far with so many medical exams and treatments and tests just LEADING up to IVF and not telling many people what we were going through. So, why not wait a little longer to tell? My RE actually recommended we wait to tell until after 10-12 weeks. (We ended up telling our exciting news around 11 weeks.) No one ever told me I’d experience patience. Yes, I wanted to burst and blurt it out. But I didn’t feel all that traditional. Parents who had a much easier time in conceiving may not feel that the world could ever harm their chances or their baby. Whereas people like us felt…cautious. Life after IVF should be joyous and believe me, it is. But there is always a sense of, “what if..” Whereas parents who have yet to go through a roller coaster of issues because pregnancy was seemingly easy might have a much stranger time digesting the, “what ifs.” Another thing I had not expected after IVF is the feeling of attachment to my leftover medications. I still have 3 boxes of medicine in my refrigerator. It is out of date, but I just cannot make myself throw it away. It is emotional in a sense for me. I remember every step of my protocol and the first shot of Lupron I ever took. I can’t forget. I have an appreciation for it. I can’t believe it started with a simple shot in the abdomen and became a real, live person inside me. I remember the cold sensation of the alcohol swabs to the cramps I had after my transfer date. I remember the fear I had in taking my first shot to the relief I felt in taking my last shot. I remember it all. So when I look at the extra meds I have a feeling of gratitude and peace. Funny. People say that life is all about the baby now. It is. But it’s also about what got him to this place in my belly. I know I am one of the lucky ones. I am SO lucky. I will never forget it. I am who I am and he will be who he will be because of IVF. Because of what transpired before IVF, during IVF, and after IVF. So, life after IVF for me is not just about diapers and sleepless nights and all that comes with a newborn baby. It’s about remembrance. I will never forget the incredible experience I had conceiving through IVF.

18 Weeks

Tomorrow I will be 18 weeks! It has been a while since I have updated this blog so I just wanted to tell what has gone on the past 2 months! First and foremost... we are pregnant with a healthy baby BOY! His name will be Mercer Dayne and he will be here 21 weeks from today or sooner! I can't believe I will soon be a mom of 2 boys in May! This pregnancy has FLOWN by and hasn't come without complications. Ryder's pregnancy was oh so easy and I really thought since this pregnancy was so different that it would be a girl.. but we are incredibly blessed with another boy! So far this pregnancy I have been more nauseous and have constant migraines and headaches, I have already landed an ER visit for several hours at 11 weeks because of severe bleeding which was from a subchorianic hematoma and partial placenta previa (both of which have corrected itself), and my newest adventure having a uterine fibroid! All in all I would take anything and even more to have a healthy baby in the end! We are so blessed and so excited that IVF took the first time! I hope you enjoy the 17 week scan!

Ultrasound #4

Today I am 9 weeks 5 days and my precious baby is measuring right at 10 weeks! We had our last ultrasound and visit with Dr. Ke today... it was exciting, but sad at the same time... Bittersweet! We saw the baby moving around and the arms, legs, and even an ear! It is incredible! The heart rate was 173! Strong and healthy! I am still taking my progesterone and estrogen supplements til week 11. My appointment with Dr. Ke went really well. He said that in their meetings the doctors and embryologists have been studying my case. An unusual one! Dr. Ke does not believe that my PCOS is what is causing my infertility, but rather that I have a egg quality/quantity problem. He asked Robbie and I today if we were wanting another one after this baby or if our family was complete. We said complete, but asked why he was asking! He said that if we were not done he would suggest immediately after this baby was born to start the IVF process again. He said with my age I didn't respond well to IVF at all and I definitely did not respond like a typical PCOS patient, but he was thankful and pleased that it ended up being successful. He said we made a great decision to forego with IVF this time right when we did. He said if we would have waited another 3-4 years and if I would have come to him around the age of 28 that IVF would more than likely not have even worked to get me pregnant. We are so thankful and God has blessed us immensely! Please continue to keep Robbie, Ryder, and myself in your prayers as well as this little bean growing inside my belly!