Life Lately
1 week ago
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Instructions
So, I went in bright and early this morning for blood work and and ultrasound to check the progression of my follicles. I have 1 measuring 12mm, 3-4 measuring 10mm, and 5+ measuring less than 10. So looks like at best I will have 3-4 mature follicles at the time that I trigger. My estradiol level was 42... pretty low. So I am taking 75 units of Follistim the next three nights. Then ultrasound and blood work again on Sunday. Hopefully these bubbles will start to GROW! Big and Strong! =) So I guess in the meantime more picking and poking at myself. Not really what I was expecting, but it is completely fine. I had to order more Follistim, because I only have enough in the refrigerator for 1 more night. There goes another $248! Completely worth it though if the end result is God's plan. Just trying to keep positive!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Can't
This is a perfect post that came to my mind today considering the "can't" that went through my head earlier on in the day.
With struggling with infertility there are so many "can'ts" involved. I can't make plans tonight because it is the Baby Dance Day. I can't go to another baby shower. I can't hear about another person that has gotten pregnant. I can't fingure out how we are going to pay for all this treatment. I can't handle the anxiety anymore. All because I can't conceive!
Today it was "I can't give MYSELF a shot!"
So, as I have been pondering this idea over the past 24 hours of self-injecting my stomach I thought about some of the basic Bible stories in both the New and Old Testament. Jonah and the Whale. David and Goliath. Daniel and the Lion's Den. These are all stories of "can'ts" that were turned into "cans" just wth the power of God's hand.
These people in the Bible were just men and women like me and Robbie. Ordinary people who put their trust and faith in an extraordinary God!
Think about Daniel when he was thrown in the lions’ den. A man “can’t” survive a night with the lions, can he? With God, he can!
What about Jonah? Jonah (or anyone for that matter) “can’t” live inside a huge fish for three days, only to be vomited up at the right place at the right time, can he? With God, he can!
There is little harp player David. How in the world could this little child defeat such a mighty giant? He "can't" unless he has God!
And of course, there’s Sarah! A 90 year old woman cannot conceive and give birth to a healthy child! That’s ludicrous, isn’t it! Of course it is. A woman beyond childbearing age “can’t” give birth to a baby, can she? With God, she can!
The list goes on and on!
The waters of the Red Sea “can’t” part and stand up like walls of stone, can it? With God, it can!
A virgin “can’t” conceive. Water “can’t” be turned to wine. A crowd of 5,000 “can’t” be fed with a child’s lunch. With God, they can!
I have heard myself say many times that I "can't" take it anymore. I "can't" have a child. I "can't" take on another burden or trial. Thinking about these scriptures, I have seen God turn all of those "can'ts" into "cans!" The same God who closed the mouths of the lions, fed thousands of people with nothing more than scraps, breathed life into ancient wombs and even placed His Son in a virgin womb, is the same God who has heard my prayers. He’s the same God who knows how badly I want another baby. God is the only one who can turn all my “can’ts” into “cans”!
I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
With struggling with infertility there are so many "can'ts" involved. I can't make plans tonight because it is the Baby Dance Day. I can't go to another baby shower. I can't hear about another person that has gotten pregnant. I can't fingure out how we are going to pay for all this treatment. I can't handle the anxiety anymore. All because I can't conceive!
Today it was "I can't give MYSELF a shot!"
So, as I have been pondering this idea over the past 24 hours of self-injecting my stomach I thought about some of the basic Bible stories in both the New and Old Testament. Jonah and the Whale. David and Goliath. Daniel and the Lion's Den. These are all stories of "can'ts" that were turned into "cans" just wth the power of God's hand.
These people in the Bible were just men and women like me and Robbie. Ordinary people who put their trust and faith in an extraordinary God!
Think about Daniel when he was thrown in the lions’ den. A man “can’t” survive a night with the lions, can he? With God, he can!
What about Jonah? Jonah (or anyone for that matter) “can’t” live inside a huge fish for three days, only to be vomited up at the right place at the right time, can he? With God, he can!
There is little harp player David. How in the world could this little child defeat such a mighty giant? He "can't" unless he has God!
And of course, there’s Sarah! A 90 year old woman cannot conceive and give birth to a healthy child! That’s ludicrous, isn’t it! Of course it is. A woman beyond childbearing age “can’t” give birth to a baby, can she? With God, she can!
The list goes on and on!
The waters of the Red Sea “can’t” part and stand up like walls of stone, can it? With God, it can!
A virgin “can’t” conceive. Water “can’t” be turned to wine. A crowd of 5,000 “can’t” be fed with a child’s lunch. With God, they can!
I have heard myself say many times that I "can't" take it anymore. I "can't" have a child. I "can't" take on another burden or trial. Thinking about these scriptures, I have seen God turn all of those "can'ts" into "cans!" The same God who closed the mouths of the lions, fed thousands of people with nothing more than scraps, breathed life into ancient wombs and even placed His Son in a virgin womb, is the same God who has heard my prayers. He’s the same God who knows how badly I want another baby. God is the only one who can turn all my “can’ts” into “cans”!
I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
Injection Teaching
I had my lesson today in injection teaching! Of course, I went in there with 100 trillion questions and the nurse was probably really ready to slap me! But overall it went very well! I GAVE MYSELF A SHOT! I can't believe it and I am so proud of myself! Now... I just have several more to do over the next few weeks... and by myself. No nurse there to guide me through it. Now I am going to be that little engine that could.... I think I can, I think I can. EXCEPT! I KNOW I can ... because I did it today! Yay! Just had to share my excitement! Gotta have sometime positive to think about to keep my spirits up!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Be Still
Be still and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10
This is a verse that I visualize everyday. I have this verse on my wall in my dining room.
There have been numerous decisions that my husband and I have had to face with trying to have a baby. Should we seek medical treatment? Should we tell people our struggles or keep it private? Should we take a break this month or try just one more time? Many, many decisions. Some decisions must be made quickly... I am talking minutes to hours... others take time and contemplation. It can get to a point where our life is filled with so many questions and we are constantly in need of answers or in better terms... guidance. Today, I have felt God's hand on our struggle. He has said to "Be Still." These simple words mean so much. I have such a peace and assurance that our decision for this month is the right one.
I am giving God all of my worries. Infertility has caused such chaos in my heart and my life. All I think about is conceiving and being pregnant. It totally consumes my life sometimes. And I have been given great assurance to just "Be Still" and wait. I have hope that this month is our month. I will never loose hope. I pray daily to still be able to get pregnant. But I have a calming peace about me today that if it does not happen this month, it will be okay. It will be okay to just have one child. It will be okay to just have a boy. Everything will be okay. Although I am still working on my anxious heart, I know that if we do not get pregnant this month and decide to take a break from "trying" it will be hard to make that final step in saying that I am finished and my life is complete... Robbie, Karlye, and Ryder. I would love to add on to that list of names. But I have to be content and know that God is in control and He knows the future. He knows what is best for our family. If that means no more children, I will learn to be the best mother I can be to Ryder. I am just so thankful I do get to experience motherhood with Ryder. Having one child has been a tremendous blessing. I feel at peace and I have a stillness about me knowing that I have made the right choices along this thorny path.
I am going to be still and know that God is God and rest in the knowledge that He loves me and has a magnificent plan for my family. Even if life doesn’t pan out the way I dreamed it would, I know that God is still my Stronghold and He will give me strength to get me through.
Psalm 46:10
This is a verse that I visualize everyday. I have this verse on my wall in my dining room.
There have been numerous decisions that my husband and I have had to face with trying to have a baby. Should we seek medical treatment? Should we tell people our struggles or keep it private? Should we take a break this month or try just one more time? Many, many decisions. Some decisions must be made quickly... I am talking minutes to hours... others take time and contemplation. It can get to a point where our life is filled with so many questions and we are constantly in need of answers or in better terms... guidance. Today, I have felt God's hand on our struggle. He has said to "Be Still." These simple words mean so much. I have such a peace and assurance that our decision for this month is the right one.
I am giving God all of my worries. Infertility has caused such chaos in my heart and my life. All I think about is conceiving and being pregnant. It totally consumes my life sometimes. And I have been given great assurance to just "Be Still" and wait. I have hope that this month is our month. I will never loose hope. I pray daily to still be able to get pregnant. But I have a calming peace about me today that if it does not happen this month, it will be okay. It will be okay to just have one child. It will be okay to just have a boy. Everything will be okay. Although I am still working on my anxious heart, I know that if we do not get pregnant this month and decide to take a break from "trying" it will be hard to make that final step in saying that I am finished and my life is complete... Robbie, Karlye, and Ryder. I would love to add on to that list of names. But I have to be content and know that God is in control and He knows the future. He knows what is best for our family. If that means no more children, I will learn to be the best mother I can be to Ryder. I am just so thankful I do get to experience motherhood with Ryder. Having one child has been a tremendous blessing. I feel at peace and I have a stillness about me knowing that I have made the right choices along this thorny path.
I am going to be still and know that God is God and rest in the knowledge that He loves me and has a magnificent plan for my family. Even if life doesn’t pan out the way I dreamed it would, I know that God is still my Stronghold and He will give me strength to get me through.
Cost
This post is just list of the costs we have had to pay for everything. Some of these costs have been paid multiple times.. This is just the average cost per cycle on everything broken down.
Office visit co-pay - $25
Femara (Letrozole) 5.0 mg for 5 days - $122.08
Ovidrel trigger shot (one dose) - $44.25
Ultrasound - $250
Add'l ultrasounds in the same cycle - $133
Blood work to test estradiol level - $70
IUI - $448
300 units of Follistim (lasts 4 days with the 75iu dose) - $248
Every cycle it only gets more and more expensive due to higher medication doses...
Office visit co-pay - $25
Femara (Letrozole) 5.0 mg for 5 days - $122.08
Ovidrel trigger shot (one dose) - $44.25
Ultrasound - $250
Add'l ultrasounds in the same cycle - $133
Blood work to test estradiol level - $70
IUI - $448
300 units of Follistim (lasts 4 days with the 75iu dose) - $248
Every cycle it only gets more and more expensive due to higher medication doses...
Update
These are the tentative plans for this cycle:
Day 3-7 Femara (Letrozole) 5.0mg
Day 5, 7, 9 Follistim injections 75iu
Day 10 Ultrasound to check follicles and blood work to check estradiol level
Baby Dance on Days 10-20! I know... a lot but I want the best chances...
No IUI this month.
After this ultrasound I will know if I need more Follistim and when they will trigger for ovulation with the Ovidrel.
Tomorrow I go in for self-injection training... wish me luck! I am a little nervous!
I am very positive and at ease about this cycle. I think this is the best decision that Robbie and I have made to go forward with this treatment. However, if it does not happen this month, we will definitely be taking September off due to a family vacation Florida. I go back for a followup with Dr. Ke on Sept 21.
Day 3-7 Femara (Letrozole) 5.0mg
Day 5, 7, 9 Follistim injections 75iu
Day 10 Ultrasound to check follicles and blood work to check estradiol level
Baby Dance on Days 10-20! I know... a lot but I want the best chances...
No IUI this month.
After this ultrasound I will know if I need more Follistim and when they will trigger for ovulation with the Ovidrel.
Tomorrow I go in for self-injection training... wish me luck! I am a little nervous!
I am very positive and at ease about this cycle. I think this is the best decision that Robbie and I have made to go forward with this treatment. However, if it does not happen this month, we will definitely be taking September off due to a family vacation Florida. I go back for a followup with Dr. Ke on Sept 21.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Starting Month 16....
of TTC Baby #2.... You have guessed right.. The IUI did not work and I am not pregnant this month. I started my cycle today. I will start Femara again but paired with Follistim injections with month. No IUI though. We will be trying to old fashioned way! I feel VERY good about it and at peace about it. I am hoping and praying and staying positive that it will work. More details will come tomorrow when I find out the specifics from the nurse on this protocol.
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