Be Still

Be still and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10

This is a verse that I visualize everyday. I have this verse on my wall in my dining room.

There have been numerous decisions that my husband and I have had to face with trying to have a baby. Should we seek medical treatment? Should we tell people our struggles or keep it private? Should we take a break this month or try just one more time? Many, many decisions. Some decisions must be made quickly... I am talking minutes to hours... others take time and contemplation. It can get to a point where our life is filled with so many questions and we are constantly in need of answers or in better terms... guidance. Today, I have felt God's hand on our struggle. He has said to "Be Still." These simple words mean so much. I have such a peace and assurance that our decision for this month is the right one.

I am giving God all of my worries. Infertility has caused such chaos in my heart and my life. All I think about is conceiving and being pregnant. It totally consumes my life sometimes. And I have been given great assurance to just "Be Still" and wait. I have hope that this month is our month. I will never loose hope. I pray daily to still be able to get pregnant. But I have a calming peace about me today that if it does not happen this month, it will be okay. It will be okay to just have one child. It will be okay to just have a boy. Everything will be okay. Although I am still working on my anxious heart, I know that if we do not get pregnant this month and decide to take a break from "trying" it will be hard to make that final step in saying that I am finished and my life is complete... Robbie, Karlye, and Ryder. I would love to add on to that list of names. But I have to be content and know that God is in control and He knows the future. He knows what is best for our family. If that means no more children, I will learn to be the best mother I can be to Ryder. I am just so thankful I do get to experience motherhood with Ryder. Having one child has been a tremendous blessing. I feel at peace and I have a stillness about me knowing that I have made the right choices along this thorny path.

I am going to be still and know that God is God and rest in the knowledge that He loves me and has a magnificent plan for my family. Even if life doesn’t pan out the way I dreamed it would, I know that God is still my Stronghold and He will give me strength to get me through.