Day 23 Progesterone Level

I went in yesterday for a Day 23 Progesterone Level (Day 21 was over the weekend). I got the results today and... Drum Roll please..... I OVULATED!!! WOOO HOOO! My level was 13.6! Of course I am hoping for a positive pregnancy test, but if that does not happen this month, then I have to wait til day 40 and if I still have not started and do not have a positive test, I start Provera.. and on to bigger and better things... injectable! Ahh! I just hope it does not go to that point.. but if it does, I will be okay with it! I have jumped through leaps and bounds and it is such an accomplishment for me to have even ovulated!

Anger

Do things hurt less because we love and trust God? No. I think it hurts more because we somehow believe that God is supposed to protect us from all things which are bad. Yet, bad things do happen. Or, we think that because we’re Christians, we should be immune from experiencing pain, discouragement, or even anger. How we respond to these emotions is key.

I’d love to tell you that I’ve got it all together and I never struggle in my walk anymore, but that simply is not true. I still get angry. But I have learned to take it to God. He knows what’s in my heart, so I might as well tell Him how I feel. Because only then, can He heal me, comfort me, and give me a “peace that passes understanding” while I’m still hurting.

The Bible states, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5) What it doesn’t say is that those nights can be really, really, long! But morning will come. Joy will come.

(Taken from Sarah's Laughter)

Wisdom

I mentioned in my post from yesterday that Robbie and I really would appreciate prayers of wisdom. God speaks to me sometimes in the most incredible ways... Thinking about wisdom, I opened my Inbox to my e-mail and found this devotion that I will share with you all. I receive "Daily Double Portions" from an online support group called Sarah's Laughter. It is a support group for inferility and infant loss. A friend of mine shared this website/group with me back in the early winter and I have really enjoyed checking my e-mail daily and finding a devotion that can relate to what is happening in my life. This is a devotion about wisdom.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.
James 1:5-6

When we come face to face with infertility, there are mountains of decisions that must be made. Questions bombard us with unyielding tenacity, and each demands an answer! Do we seek treatment? If so, how do we pay for it? How far will we go? Is this God’s will for our lives? How long do we keep trying to conceive? Is this God’s way of telling us to stop? How do I know if it really was God speaking to me? Each decision must be weighed carefully, for the outcome could have eternal ramifications. How do we know how to make the right decision?

Who is more wise than God? Who understands our past, our present and our future better than the author of eternity? We seek answers from doctors, from support groups, from family members and friends, and that is all well and good. God doesn’t expect us to travel through the quagmires of life without relying on each other. But when we face the difficult decisions of infertility, we can’t forget to cry out to God for His wisdom in knowing what to do.

Scripture tells us that if we ask God for wisdom-in full faith-He will grant us His wisdom. And not just a smidgen! No! He gives His wisdom generously! He wants us to make the right decisions about having a baby. He wants to lead us and guide us in His will. He says He will give us His wisdom about whether or not to seek medical help or where the money will come from.

He also grants this wisdom “without reproach”. In Biblical times, if you asked someone for a loan or asked to borrow something they owned, it was very common for the lender to belittle the borrower. Can you imagine if you asked your friend for a dollar and you got this response:

“I’ll loan you this dollar, you lazy, good-for-nothing moron! It’s amazing that you’re not smart enough to get a job good enough to provide for your family so you have to come to me! What a loser!”

I’ll bet you wouldn’t ask her for anything else any time soon! How wonderful it is that God doesn’t do us this way when we ask for His wisdom! He doesn’t answer our request with “You sorry, worthless servant! I knew you’d never figure this out on your own! I guess I’ll have to bail you out again! When will you ever learn?” No! God grants us His wisdom generously and without reproach. I believe it thrills the heart of God when we approach Him and lean on His wisdom for small decisions as well as the life changing ones.

The only requirement God lays on us is that we must ask for His wisdom in full faith. We must believe that He is who He says He is, and that He will do what He says He will do. We must not waver in our belief of Him. Have you ever seen a beach ball that gets caught in the waves on the beach? It gets slung around with every wave and every wind. God says that when we doubt, we’re just like that beach ball. We must believe when we ask God for wisdom. Our faith must stay strong even when He chooses to move in ways we cannot understand. When we approach God with unwavering faith, He promises His wisdom in our lives.

Appointment

I am a little discouraged today. I went for my regular visit/checkup. He had reviewed my ultrasound from Saturday. Dr. Ke was not very pleased with only 1 follicle with being on the medication and the Metformin and loosing weight... But we will see. Maybe the HCG trigger shot released an egg and maybe I will still have a chance of conceiving. He was not pleased with the size of the follicle either. I am going Monday, June 29th for the progesterone blood work to check to see if I ovulated instead of Friday. He wants my levels to be over 10. If I did not ovulate, then I will take Provera to induce my cycle again and then start injectables with the Femara. He adds them to the Femara first because they are so strong and such a risk of multiples. He is also wanting me to highly consider IUI (artificial insemination). With the cost of the injections for the first round with the dose I need being anywhere from $900 to $1200 (Yes! EKK!) then it would be smart to just add $200 more for the IUI and have a greater chance of conceiving. So that is something we have to think about and pray about and possibly make a decision within the next week or so. I just hope and pray God will work a miracle and allow that one follicle to release an egg and allow us to be pregnant. Please keep Robbie and myself in your prayers. We need prayers for wisdom and guidance that we will make the best decision for our family. I am kind of scared about the injections just because of such a high risk of multiples. It is common in people with PCOS to have nothing happen for months and then, even with the medication being slowly increased, hyperstimulating the ovaries. If I produce multiple follicles.. well, you guessed right.. multiple babies! Multiples are not the desired outcome of fertility treatments... but every child is a blessing and Robbie and I vow to make the best out of our situation. I will update next Tuesday when I know the results of my progesterone and if I will be moving on to Protocol #5 (I am on 4 right now).

Follicle Ultrasound

I went in this morning to had a transvaginal ultrasound to check to see if I had any follicles. I had one big perfect follicle in my left ovary! It measured around 20mm. The nurse gave me the Ovidrel trigger shot... we shall see if it works! I go Monday for my regular doctor checkup and then Friday for bloodwork to check my progesterone level to see if an egg actually released.

A Broken Clock

Be still, and know that I am God
Psalm 46:10

There is a broken clock in my guest bathroom. When I purchased the clock back before I got married for my "black and white" bathroom, it worked. One day while living in the apartment it just stopped working. It doesn't need new batteries... it is just a dud I think! But I still love the clock and chose to continue to use it as decoration on my wall in the guest bathroom. I was in the guest bathroom last night giving Ryder his bath and I just happened to look up at the clock. I wasn't looking for the time, because I know it doesn't work! I don't really know why I looked at the clock... but right then I realized that it symbolized something in my life. You see, that broken clock is a reminder of the perfection of God’s timing. At first glance, it appears that the broken clock is worthless. The hands never move. It looks like nothing good is happening.

In the dark days of waiting through my struggle with infertility, it feels like God’s plan for my family has gone to a halt. Even though the clock is not ticking away the time, time is still going on. God is still working and moving. When it seems like nothing is happening and I feel like my life is standing still like the clock, God’s plan is still unfolding.

I would like to encourage you all to buy a clock and hang it on the wall with no batteries. It will remind you of God's perfect timing.

Now, I think I might just go set that clock in the bathroom at Ryder's birth time... Just to remind me that miracles happen...

Adding...

I am currently on CD9. My temperatures look pretty good.. This is something I decided to do today for this cycle: Saturday CD14 I am going in for an ultrasound at 8am to check to see if I have follicles. If I do, I am going to do the Ovidrel trigger shot to hopefully trigger ovulation. I will update Saturday when I know about the follicles! I feel really good about the decision to go this route this cycle.

Update on this cycle

I started my cycle with using the Provera on Sunday, June 7th. I started the Femara/Letrozole yesterday. I take it CD 3-7 and it is 5.0mg. It has made me have severe headaches... Combination of a cold/sinus and the medicine I think. I go back to the doctor for a check-up on June 22. Then I get my blood work done on CD 20 which is Friday, June 26 to check for ovulation. I will update as soon as I know more!

Choices

As I stand face to face with the issue of infertility, many choices are ripped away from me. The choice of when to have children, the choice of how many children to have, the choice of keeping my problem private. Other choices are difficult to make. Do we consult a doctor? How far do we go with treatment? What do we give up to pay for medical treatment? However, there is a crucial area where I do have the ultimate choice. Will I choose joy or will I allow infertility to dictate my mindset and the attitude of my heart? Christ came that we may have life and have it more abundantly. We’re told to rejoice (Phil. 4:4). If I feel weak, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Through my weakness, Christ has the ability to become my strength.

Does this mean that I should never cry or feel down? Absolutely not. Our Savior was a man full of emotions and the Bible even says He was acquainted with grief and bore our sorrows (Isaiah 53:4). It does mean that I can choose to let Christ carry those sorrows and choose the joy that runs deeper than simple situational happiness. I can choose to accept the offer of abundant life provided by Jesus Christ Himself, or choose a life of hopelessness, jealousy, and discouragement.

Easy? Not always. But the choice is mine.



Taken from Baby Hunger: Biblical Encouragement for Those Struggling with Infertility by Beth Forbus.